


Golden Cage

by CountessMillarca



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Cheating, Complete, Dark, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Mild S&M, Psychological Drama, Romance, Sexual Content, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-29
Updated: 2013-08-17
Packaged: 2017-12-09 22:17:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 14,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/778594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CountessMillarca/pseuds/CountessMillarca
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When you are faced with a difficult choice, most often the mind will arbitrarily decide based on what feels familiar. A single mistake can irrevocably change one’s entire future. A woman is forced to face this harsh truth as she struggles between her lingering feelings towards her first love and her growing attraction towards his elder brother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Wish That Sealed Her Fate

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha. All rights belong to Takahashi, Rumiko.
> 
> This is also posted on Dokuga under the pen name Stella.

There is a dark void; filling me with its emptiness. How ironic that something so nihilistic could consume someone completely. However, there is a strange want deep inside. Lurking silently at the very bottom, slowly driving me crazy with its burning intensity. What is this? It's the only thing standing between me and that devouring darkness, shinning vaguely in the depths of my soul. What does it want? If not for this secret yearning, I would surrender to nothingness, staring blankly at the same colorless sky day after day. Tell me, please...What are you, oh cruel desire? Why won't you let me fall, let me rest, let me disappear?

Sometimes, a familiar face flashes through tangled visions; happy memories of another time. Angelic features on a regal face etched in a perpetual serene expression. All except for intense golden eyes; devastatingly entrancing, full of burning passion. I remember those beautiful amber pools following my every movement, stalking me as I hid from them foolishly. I was young and drunk on life's nectar, unwilling to understand the depth of his obsession until it was too late. He was ancient, had tasted all that life had to offer, yet he lingered on waiting, for something I could neither understand nor could I give at the time.

Everyone has wondered at least once in their lifetime what it means to truly love someone; yearn for that person so much that the line between love and hate blurs indiscriminately. I was torn, caught by my first tentative encounter with illusory affection that I failed to notice the deeper, darker pull of real love; the desperate feeling of wanting something forbidden which could devour your whole being without asking for permission. By the time I realized this, he was gone and all I was left with was bitter longing and the echo of a taunting promise, accompanying me through eternity.

_Kagome_

* * *

" _I can grant your deepest desires, miko. Choose; what do you yearn for the most? I will make it a reality._ " The hypnotic, androgynous voice tempted Kagome with visions of an idyllic future. Silver haired children with cute dog ears running through a meadow of flowers while laughing jovially. Strong, dependable arms circling her waist in what she had previously thought to be the safest embrace in the world. Beloved friends sharing amusing stories over a vibrant campfire without fear of a brutal, unexpected attack coming.

Then, the visions changed; turned into something terrifyingly gruesome. Countless demons tearing through her vulnerable form, breaking her repeatedly only for her bloody pieces to be sawn back together, so the endless torture could begin anew. No, this was not her she realized belatedly with absolute horror. The armored woman looked familiar with that pure, blinding reiki, but it was not her.

" _Midoriko._ " The cold, eerie voice provided the name she was seeking; insinuating what her fate would be should she make the tragic mistake of wishing selfishly.

"What do you want from me!?" she cried out desperately, reaching blindly through the darkness for a sliver of light, something to hold on to in this despondent black hole.

" _Choose._ " The materialized voice of the Shikon no Tama reiterated.

" _But choose wisely._ " A delicate yet strong feminine voice added as she felt a sudden warmth engulfing her, caressing her chilled body lovingly.

"Peace! I wish all the pointless, sorrowful battles over this cursed jewel would cease once and for all," she exclaimed breathlessly, borrowing strength from the faint spiritual presence of her predecessor.

" _Sacrifice! Sacrifice! Sacrifice!_ " Guttural, malicious voices erupted inside the dark dimension deafening in their demand.

" _That was truly a selfless wish, child; however, I am afraid your trials do not end here."_ The saddened voice of her predecessor informed her with regret lacing her condemning words as a radiant visage of the warrior miko appeared before Kagome. Stunned by the woman's beauty and glorious aura, she watched helpless as Midoriko placed her palm on Kagome's heart and that brilliant glow was passed onto her, filling her soul to the brim. The previous miko's visage then dimmed as her apparition shattered into a million tiny lights, disappearing forever.

" _My gift to you for what is to come. I am sorry, but your fate is sealed, child. The consequences of being the Shikon's guardian are greater than you could have ever imagined._ " Midoriko's parting words echoed through Kagome's mind while tears sprang from her eyes, realizing the horrible reality that had become her life.

"Please! No, this has to be a mistake! Midoriko!" Kagome cried out desperately, overwhelmed by the added spiritual powers and new found battle experience, gained by Midoriko's sacrifice. She had absorbed the mighty miko's reiki and combat abilities at the highest price.

"What am I supposed to do now? What is my fate? What's going to happen to me?" she demanded with bitter grief, collapsing to her knees with a defeated expression.

" _You must guard me through eternity, bound by invisible shackles forever. However, do not worry, Kagome. I will devour you as I have done with countless others before and your suffering will be no more._ " The cursed jewel's now purely demonic voice taunted her cruelly, relaying what her bleak future would be from now on.

She had wished for peace and coexistence. It was her duty to make sure her wish was realized by not allowing the evil inside the Shikon to devour her soul and wreak havoc on the land at the cost of her freedom. She may not have been trapped inside the jewel's tainted core, fighting for balance with hordes of blood thirsty demons, but it was the same nonetheless. Her life belonged to her no more.


	2. The Man Who Made The Wrong Choice

Long ago Plato contemplated on the concept of soul mates. Originally, humans were created with four legs, four arms and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves. However, how can one recognize the person he is seeking desperately as his other half? What happens when someone is torn between two people, unable to choose who should accompany him by his side through the rest of his years?

In my time of youth and immaturity, I was once given a choice; a choice I struggled against many years after the decision had already been made, until it was far too late to correct my reckless mistake, trapping myself and others in an endless cycle of pain and regret. Given the choice of cool russet brown and warm sapphire blue, I let myself be drowned and comforted by the latter while still grieving the former. I should have never given into my weak nature. I should have never answered the silent beseeching request in her caring orbs and allow her to lull my spirit but for a passing moment. For I already knew in the deepest confines of my soul it would not last; no matter how much I willed myself to believe otherwise.

My heart was irrevocably claimed the very first time I laid eyes upon her deceptively strong yet secretly fragile form. We all hide behind carefully constructed masks; a façade of cold indifference, gruff demeanor, strained joviality depending on the person. She was no exception to that rule nor was I. However, she was taken from me cruelly without my consent before I could realize the magnitude of my deepest desires towards her. Broken beyond recognition, I acted foolishly on a misguided impulse, condemning the only other person who truly ever cared for me in a tangled web of sweet lies and hidden anguish.

_Inuyasha_

* * *

"Kagome! Kagome, please open your eyes! Look at me, woman!" Inuyasha pleaded desperately, clutching the unconscious miko in his trembling arms, willing a response from her languid, unmoving body.

Thick, heavy eyelashes lifted agonizingly slow to reveal familiar icy blue orbs dulled to a hazy, darker shade tinted with gray as he sagged in relief, suppressing back tears threatening to spill from his amber eyes.

"Thank the Kami! I thought I lost you, too…" he muttered in a hoarse voice, burying his face in her silken raven locks, ignorant of the painful impact his careless words had on the woman lying in his tight embrace.

"I am here, Inuyasha. I am here…" she whispered in a soothing voice, caressing his silver tresses as she hid with practiced ease the aching hurt clouding her expression for a miniscule moment at his unwitting confession.

"What happened, Kagome? Black smoke came from the Shikon no Tama and you collapsed for hours! I called your name countless times, but you never responded or moved an inch!" he asked intently with a worried look, finally regaining his composure as he gently helped the miko to her feet.

"I made a wish…" she confessed her usually cheery voice now laden with regret and sadness. His curious eyes immediately darted to the cursed jewel now nestled in the valley of her breasts, seemingly harmless.

"Is it over? What happens now?" he exclaimed restlessly, scratching his ear on habit, alarmed by the miko's subdued tone and laconic reply.

"No, it's far from over. It appears I will never be rid of this cursed trinket," she laughed tonelessly, forcing her lips to curve in a semblance of a comforting smile.

"What do you mean, Kagome? You made a wish, right? The jewel must be useless now…" he insisted with childish confusion on his boyish features, cocking his head to the side in a questioning manner.

"Yes, you are correct. The jewel cannot grant another wish now. However, it still holds incredible power and in the hands of an impure person, it could cause great damage," the miko explained patiently with a forlorn expression.

"I don't understand. How could this have happened?" he asked frowning slightly as his eyes abruptly grew impossibly large and he took a hesitant step back.

"Y-you, Kagome…Your aura feels strange, but your scent has not changed," he commented with awe as her powerful reiki pricked at his skin in a burning intensity he had never felt from the woman before.

"It is a long story, Inuyasha. I am feeling tired. Can we please talk later? I only wish to rest for the time being," she pleaded with the distressed hanyou, allowing the exhaustion to show in her azure gaze for him clearly to see, willing him to understand.

"Come on, I'll take you home," he replied in a softer undertone in his gruff tone, steeling himself to withstand her scorching energy as he came closer, and offered his back in acceptance.

"Home…" Kagome murmured with nostalgia evident in her low voice, wondering if the well would ever allow her to travel back home or if she would have to wait hopelessly through the centuries in order to be reunited with her family again.

'Where is home now?' she lamented brokenly, climbing on the welcoming back of the red clad hanyou, burying her face through his silver strands, trying to borrow some of his comforting warmth.


	3. The Well Which Shattered Her Hope

People often act in a cruel manner, disregarding the consequent effects their thoughtless behavior could have on others. It is a natural occurrence; above all we are mostly loyal to our own pleasure zone. An accepting gesture or a comforting word is sometimes harder to elicit than a veiled threat or a hostile accusation. I had known such kindness and love; when they were abruptly stolen from me, I was left bereft with no direction as to what my place in this faceless world was supposed to be anymore. I wandered aimlessly the unforgiving lands driven by an all consuming feeling of futile revenge to distract myself of the despondent truth; I was alone with no one there to offer me protection from the harsh savageries of life.

Then she came; a radiant being forged by the blinding light of the sun itself. She acknowledged my insignificant existence and gave me reason to truly smile from the bottom of my heart again, unperturbed of the violent suffering raging all around us. She gathered the shards of my seemingly jaded soul, melding them back together with her unconditional love and care. Gradually, I began to see benevolence in people instead of malice; whereas, before, my eyes were closed to the wonders of life, they became crystal bared. She taught me how to appreciate the heart I was gifted with if only I dared chance a peek under my heavily shielded eyes.

However, when the accursed time I had to repay her altruistic favor came, I miserably failed. I stood petrified as I watched horrified the lustrous light fading from her brilliant pools slowly day after day. At first, I could neither understand why her glow was diminishing so quickly nor offer any kind of comfort. Perhaps, the young of my age was partly to blame for this terrible misconception. All I know now is, by the time I had the strength of character to offer her support; she had succumbed so deeply in despairing darkness I was never able to witness her resplendent light again.

_Shippou_

* * *

“I am truly sorry, child. Yer fate proved to be much harsher than my late sister’s ever was,” the old miko commented in a saddened voice, sighing deeply as she pressed her withered palm on the younger miko’s shoulder in a kind gesture of support.

“Thank you, Kaede-obaachan. I’m sure I will be fine, though; after all, I have all of you here to lend me strength,” Kagome remarked with a faltering smile towards the seasoned old miko, struggling to hide the despair taking root deep in the confines of her heart.

“Of course we will, Kagome-chan! We consider you a part of our family. You won’t have to go through this alone. Our home is always open for you and you can depend on us for anything,” Sango exclaimed with tears shining in her large chocolate eyes, rushing forward to embrace her friend tightly.

‘You are lucky, Sango-chan. Finally, you have a place to call home. May your life be full of happiness from now onwards; you deserve it, my dear sister,” Kagome prayed silently with a bittersweet expression on her delicate features, returning fervently the emotional hug.

“It appears fate has placed yet another tremendous burden on your shoulders, Kagome-sama. However, I have no doubt you will overcome this recent obstacle and resurface victorious this time as well. Do not hesitate to call upon our assistance should you ever find yourself in a time of need,” Miroku offered with one of his charming smiles, bowing his head in recognition and respect of the miko’s continuous struggle.

“I appreciate the offer, Miroku-sama. I have a distinctive feeling little angels will be added soon to your wonderful family, so you will be seeing me quite often. I plan on spoiling them greatly with gifts of my time,” Kagome laughed jovially as a great shadow was finally lifted from her clouded eyes at the happy prospect.

“Kagome-chan…are you sure the well is still functional though?” Sango asked hesitantly not wanting to see her friend’s vibrant eyes darkened with worry again, but needing to ascertain this matter. It would be better if all the grave revelations happened in one day, and they dealt with the aftermath together, than Kagome finding out on her own alone.

“Keh, let’s go see,” Inuyasha intervened, gracing Kagome with a warm, soft gaze in absolute contrast to his rough voice.

“Yes, I believe I’m ready now,” Kagome nodded in a grim voice, determination seeping through her steely posture as they all followed behind the brusque hanyou, exiting the hut quietly.

“Don’t worry, Kagome. I’ll always protect you. I’ve given my promise and I won’t go back on my word,” Inuyasha murmured in a rare gentle tone, while on their way to the old wooden well which had connected their fates.

“I know, Inuyasha. I know…” Kagome whispered back, inhaling deeply his earthly, masculine scent; she was always reminded of fresh pine trees in a deep calm forest whenever she buried her face in his silver locks as he carried her securely on his dependable back. However, slowly, a memory of another promise to a different miko, one he eventually could not keep, resurfaced in her mind, causing her heart to constrict painfully.

‘Would you have made that promise if Kikyou had still been alive, Inuyasha?’ she mused dejectedly, cursing her weak nature for shamelessly clinging to a fleeting promise made on a rush impulse.

The well did not respond to her calls; no matter how many long hours she spent, trying desperately to elicit even a faint spark of the familiar azure glow, exhausting her spiritual reserves.

“Kagome…enough. You can let go now. We will try again tomorrow,” a low, gruff voice prompted her while a large, clawed hand circled her frail arm gently, pulling her into the familiar reassuring embrace she had known to scare away all her nightmares before. This time though, the haunted look in her hooded eyes refused to disappear so effortlessly.


	4. The Woman Who Was Trapped In The Past

The most innocent forms of life are children. They are born pure; untainted by the world’s ugly side. Brilliant lights burning strongly, reminding us there is yet hope in this distorted reality of our existence. I wish this could be true for my birth as well. I wish it would be revered as a joyous event worth of great celebration. However, that was certainly not the purpose of my creation. One cannot imagine the pain or the suffering of being born cursed, being denied of the chance to grow up happily without grave expectations lying heavily upon one’s shoulders. To be born out of mere necessity, and be burdened with the cruel duty of adding to that misery, is the worst torture one can be subjected to.

In time, I learned to hide my bitterness and outrage at the unfair fate I had been dealt with. My negative emotions transformed into an elaborate façade of vast optimism and mischievous playfulness. I learned to accept life as it came and revel in its sinful pleasures because I knew my time on this earth was limited; until I met them. A ragtag group; consisting of strange people who shared my unlucky charm and had tasted rejection as strongly as I. A newfound longing settled deep in my wounded heart as I faced adventures in their companionship. Mayhap, the tragic nightmare I had been drowning in, seemingly forever, was naught but an illusion.

They taught me the important meaning of bonds. Before our fateful meeting, I was shackled with bonds of hate, yet afterwards, I was embraced by bonds of friendship and love. For the first time in my miserable existence, I felt grateful for the presence of others. Lost in the idyllic turn my life had taken, I became wary of losing them and returning to my previous lonesome state. Thus, I gathered my loved ones close, sheltered them and showered them with affection; uncaring of whatever happened outside this tight closed circle. Tragic mistake. Because of my weakened resolve, I lost two people who showed me how to move forward and live my life to the fullest.

_Miroku_

* * *

Sango approached slowly the solitary figure of the woman, sitting eerily quiescent on the pliable grass before the familiar old well, gazing at the pellucid azure dome with a blank expression in her once spirited oceanic pools.

“Kagome-chan, everyone is waiting for you. We are ready to depart for my village,” the slayer announced in a tender voice, waking the silent woman of her depressing musings.

“Is it so late already?” the miko asked in a hoarse whisper her voice croaked from lack of use, after having spent the entire night reminiscing of past days in front of the well that once transcended time.

“Yes, it is time to leave. You wouldn’t want to miss my wedding now, would you?” the slayer nodded with a kind smile in an attempt to rouse the miko from her dark mood; which had conquered her being after the harsh realization the well would never allow her to see her family again.

“No, I wouldn’t miss it for the world. No one deserves to be happier than you, and I refuse to be absent on this glorious event. I’m certain you will make a beautiful bride, Sango-chan,” Kagome promised with a genuine small smile as her eyes finally lighted with a sliver of warmth.

“Thank you, Kagome-chan. I’m more worried for what comes after the ceremony though…” the taijiya confessed with slightly flushed cheeks, sharing her innermost thoughts with her friend.

“Miroku can act as a lecher most of the times, but I am sure he will take good care of you, Sango-chan. You have nothing to worry or be ashamed of,” the miko reassured the restless woman, pulling her close in a gentle embrace.

“Agh, now I’m getting sentimental. Come on, let’s go before I start crying and that pervert thinks I changed my mind,” Sango laughed jovially as she helped the miko to her feet.

“Oi, what’s taking you women so long? We need to leave before it gets dark. If that idiot monk has to wait another day, he might explode from over excitement!” an impatient voice interrupted their sisterly moment, causing them to burst out in happy giggles.

“We’re coming!” Sango hollered between laughs as they approached the males awaiting them packed outside Kaede’s hut.

“Kagome, are you alright?” Shippou asked anxiously in a trembling voice, turning large emerald eyes towards his surrogate mother.

“Yes, I am fine, Shippou-chan. I’m sorry if I made you worried,” the miko replied softly in an apologetic tone, bending to gather the small kit into her welcoming arms in an act of reassurance.

“I don’t like to see you hurt, Kagome,” the fox child confessed as he nestled comfortably in her loving embrace, burying his face in the crook of her neck to inhale deeply her calming, velvet lavender scent.

“Stop your miserable sniveling, brat! She’s going to be just fine,” Inuyasha intervened in his blunt, uncouth manner worried the little youkai might worsen the miko’s melancholy in retrospect.

“Let us all calm down and depart,” Miroku suggested with a kind smile in a seemingly cool voice; however, exuberant anticipation was carved all over his handsome features for anyone to see.

“Keh, you’re the most impatient of us all here, monk,” Inuyasha jested with a knowing smirk while the monk shrugged, flashing a dazzling smile; which caused the party to laugh with mirth at his failed attempt to cover his enthusiasm.


	5. The Village Where Happiness Lives

Each person is a unique individual being with exclusive qualities - good and bad – which differentiate one from the faceless maze. Even so, one cannot survive in this antagonistic plane without belonging somewhere; without a place to call one’s own. There are people who prefer solitude whilst in the company of others; however, there are none who, given the choice, would dissociate themselves from the whole willingly. We crave the confirmation, the connection and the knowledge we are needed by someone else more than anything. It validates our fleeting existence in the deepest level of our psyches.

We desperately strive to excel in our endeavors and duties, afraid of the rejection and abandonment, ensured by failure. In a dreadful, ineffaceable moment, I condemned myself to a sorrowful, disconsolate fate caused by my grave inadequacies. Gone was my safe haven, lost was my blooded kin, vagrant was my weak soul. Blinded with despair and hate, I lashed out in mistaken rage against innocent victims of my masqueraded archenemy. A blessing and a curse. Through them I, once again, attained the family I fiercely coveted, became part of a tight knit pack, obtained loving brothers and sisters, and met the man who undeniably became the center of my whole world.

Looking back, I realize now there was only one person to whom I owed my latent happiness. She corrected my erroneous judgment, dispersed the dark clouds blanketing my tortured soul, gifted me with blind acceptance and immaculate kindness I was surely not worthy to receive. Because of her caring nature and benevolent support, I came to acquire a place to call my own again. A person I am truly proud and grateful to have called a ‘sister’ at one time. Yet, it was of my own foolish urging and careless words, while immersed in unadulterated joy, she was impelled to make a tragic decision; a mistake she was forced to pay dearly through countless ages after I was long since gone to offer her a sliver of comfort.

_Sango_

* * *

“You look stunning, Sango-chan. Miroku-san will not be able to keep his eyes off of you,” Kagome whispered reassuringly to the almost shaking woman as they walked slowly towards the small crowd waiting for them patiently inside the hut.

“R-really?” Sango asked with uncertainty marring her beautiful features, clutching tensely the miko’s small hand in support.

“Of course! He is a very fortunate man to have gained the favor of a fearless, entrancing woman such as you,” Kagome nodded laughing jovially as she pushed her friend lightly in the back, urging her forward.

Everyone’s eyes widened in surprise and appreciation at the sight of the taijiya dressed in a beautiful ivory kimono, her hair pulled up in an elegant bun with crimson lilies woven in the silky dark locks, and a touch of ruby adorning her plump lips. The look of utter adoration and love directed at her from the nervous, handsome man, standing tall at the simple altar though, finally succeeded in dispersing the woman’s anxiety as she straightened her luscious back, and approached him confident with a brilliant smile.

Heartfelt vows and silver rings of eternal promise were exchanged, while everyone witnessed in silent wonder the miracle of their blessed union. Finally, the dashing, overjoyed groom leaned towards the bewitching, blushing bride, pressing firm, cool lips gently upon her own, signaling the happy conclusion of the sacred ritual. Loud cheers erupted within the small hut as everyone rushed to congratulate the happy married couple.

It was a festive, luminous night; full of exquisite cuisine, sweet sake and joyous dance for all the participants to revel in after their many strenuous struggles over the past years. Everyone enjoyed a peaceful reverie in the company of loyal friends, without a care or need to be vigilant of malevolent powers stealing this moment away.

“Kagome-chan…can I talk to you for a moment?” Sango asked breathlessly with a healthy flush covering her cheeks after she finished yet another dance with the overexcited monk.

“Sure, anything for the lovely bride! This is your night, Sango-chan. We are all at your command,” the miko jested teasingly with sparkling blue orbs, feeling slightly dazed from the strong sake.

“You do know this is youkai sake, right? Perhaps, you should regulate the amount you consume if you don’t wish to end up like those inebriated wolves,” the taijiya laughed with mirth, motioning to Ginta and Hakkaku trying to convince a very reluctant Kaede to dance with them.

“Those fools…” Kagome commented, bursting out in loud laughter at their ridiculous antics.

“Inuyasha…I overheard him talking to Miroku-sama earlier in the day,” the slayer confessed in a soft voice, interrupting the miko’s laughing fit abruptly.

“Hmm…Sango-chan, he is your husband now. Don’t you think it’s time you stopped using these formal honorifics? Calling him Miroku-sama…” Kagome chastised lightly in a clever attempt to change the subject Sango was trying to breach. She had a nagging suspicion of what the slayer wished to discuss, but she was not in the mood to engage in this conversation tonight.

“Indeed, you do have a point, Kagome-chan. I will start doing so tonight…” the taijiya grinned mischievously with a slight nod, understanding perfectly by her friend’s humorous attempt now was not the time for such a discussion.

“I am certain he will enjoy that quite a lot,” the miko returned with a half grin as well, offering Sango a cup of the delicious, intoxicating sake while they chatted happily, watching the jolly couples dancing around the alluring flames of the great campfire.


	6. The Question That Changed Her Life

Logic differentiates man from beast, yet instinct might save man at critical times. Therefore, how can one know which one to rely upon when a difficult choice is presented before him? Should you choose to act purely based on solid logic; emotional scars will certainly burden your heart regardless of the future merit. Should you choose to allow baser instincts to override your better judgment; regrets will be etched in your soul, burning you slowly from the inside out until you are left with no other alternative but to surrender to the beast.

Wise men created proverbs for the young to follow and avoid repeating the same grave mistakes. However, the harsh truth is that history has a cruel way of repeating itself despite our best efforts and good intentions. A well thought out plan could lead to disaster and a well intended thought could end up causing harm instead. There was such a proverb I dedicated my whole life in abiding by yet, by following this advice, I gradually lost what was important to me right before my very eyes. ‘Chi l'ha duro la vince. He who insists, emerges victorious.’

While growing up, I was taught to be firm in my beliefs and always pursue relentlessly after what or whom I craved. I was not aware that a gentler approach might have given me what I truly desired. I foolishly insisted on pushing my demands, where had I simply revealed my wants, I could have had a vastly different receptive response. It was not after many years had passed that I was able to overcome my childish stubbornness in favor of mature acceptance. The crucial flaws of my character were laid bare for me to witness and lament on as I finally understood; it was by my own accord, I had no chance of gaining her approval from the very beginning.

_Kouga_

* * *

“-gome, Kagome…” the miko felt a gentle tugging on her shoulder as she was roused from a deep, dreamless sleep. Lately, her nights were overrun by terrible nightmares; filled with dark, seductive whispers of power, conquest, bloodlust…Yet, for the first time in days, she had not heard the voice urging her to succumb into unspeakable sins. She blamed it on the large quantity of alcohol she had consumed the night before at her beloved sister’s wedding. Raising heavy, thick eyelashes leisurely, she focused on the warm honey orbs perusing her intently.

“I’m awake, Inuyasha. What time is it?” she asked hoarsely, restraining a deep yawn as she stretched her limbs languidly.

“The sun is not yet up, but I wish to speak with you before the others wake. Come with me,” Inuyasha replied cryptically as he waited for her at the entrance of the fire lit hut patiently.

“What is the matter? Is something wrong?” the miko inquired urgently, alarmed by his strange behavior. Had she revealed glimpses of the maelstrom brewing inside of her during her sleep? Had he heard the despicable acts the jewel forced her to commit regardless of her will night after night? Had he learned of the twisted sexual fantasies she had participated in unwittingly under the Shikon’s heavy influence? His mere presence reminded her of all the tortuous nightmares she had endured. It appeared even as a hanyou, his wild youki qualified to tempt the cursed jewel into conjuring vile images inside her mind.

“There is no easy way to say this, Kagome, and I was never good with words to begin with, so I’m going to be blunt. You cannot return to your time anymore. Sango and Miroku got married and have a life to build now. Shippou is leaving to study kitsune youjutsu soon. I vowed to protect you, but I can’t do that if you won’t let me. I feel like I’m losing you slowly as the days pass by. Won’t you let me care for you? Won’t you stay with me?” Inuyasha confessed with a beseeching expression as he stood close to her, clutching her small hands in his rough, calloused ones tightly, while his words awakened her fully, causing her to nearly stumble backwards as the reality he spoke of felt like a vicious slap in her face.

“I need time to think, Inuyasha,” she murmured in a soft almost inaudible voice, understanding fully the implications behind his pleading words and what he was truly requesting of her.

“Sure…just think about it…please,” he conceded with one of his charming, boyish smiles, that used to melt her heart in the past, as his thumbs gently caressed the back of her hands for a moment before he released her to walk back towards the hut.

She stayed there encased in silence for a long time after the blinding sun had risen to bathe her in its pure light as if mocking her with its radiance for her lost innocence, while she contemplated hard on her impending future.

“I’m returning to the Eastern lands today. Come with me, Kagome. I’ll take care of you,” a husky, low voice interrupted her musings on the complicated future ahead of her. She turned serene, sapphire pools to gaze at the man’s heated, serious expression slowly.

“Thank you for the offer, but I have already made my choice, Kouga-kun,” the miko graced him with a fragile, tight lipped smile as the gentle breeze lifted her raven locks lightly, caressing her cheeks soothingly.

“Damn mutt! One step ahead of me again, huh? Well, if you ever change your mind and need a real man…” he implied in a deep, masculine laughter as he winked at her mischievously, accepting her decision in stride.

“I won’t,” she uttered in an unwavering, strong voice as a wave of uneasiness shook through her vulnerable figure, unsure of whom she was trying to convince; the wolf prince or herself?

That day she agreed to mate the hanyou she had met upon the sacred tree and fell in love with three years ago.


	7. The Demon Lord Who Tempted A Miko

Amongst all grave sins a man can commit there are seven which are claimed to be deadly; pride, avarice, envy, wrath, lust, gluttony, sloth. The reason behind that claim is quite simple. One cannot refrain from succumbing to each and every one of them in some deep level time after time again. Therein lies the attraction and revulsion of them all. I had once regarded myself above such terrible lures, foolishly clinging to a fabricated belief of race supremacy. Yet this ironstone impression was fallaciously assumed. For no one is impervious to the seductive call of such deceptive sirens; not even I.

The first mortal sin I was afflicted with since my very birth was pride. Masqueraded as falsified nobility it latched on my soul with brutal claws until it became so deeply ingrained, I could no more attest to its abyssal presence. Then came avarice interlaced with envy. Never in my seemingly endless life had I been cruelly denied nor had I secretly coveted anything. Yet her - who irrevocably belonged to another - I wanted, I needed, I craved. The sheer magnitude of this unquenched thirst nearly drove me mad. Naturally, wrath succeeded these devouring sensations. Against him – to whom she perpetually belonged – I raged, I rampaged, I raved. I fell victim to a violent tempest of swirling crimson rage.

This decalescent fury could only be overpowered by the untamed lust she ignited within me with her inevitable submission. I reveled in the guilty pleasure of her alluring embrace, silencing the awakened beast that had almost consumed me whole. Slowly, without my conscious approval it evolved into gluttony; so fierce it could never be satiated no matter how many lifetimes passed. The tantalizing scent of her skin, the heated glimmer of her eyes, the intoxicating taste of her lips were never enough to appease my aching hunger for her. If only she could realize how inescapably entrapped I had become, mayhap then she would have taken mercy on me. Alas, she was burdened by heavy sins of her own, brought forth by our forbidden union. Thus, I indulged her beseeching request and surrendered into sloth, awaiting vainly the time when she would accede to my unfathomable desire at last.

_Sesshoumaru_

* * *

A lone, dark haired woman, bathed under the iridescent moonlight glow, perused through darkened indigo pools the elusive crescent moon as the warm wind billowed through her obsidian tresses. Tomorrow was the promised date; the day when she was expected to mate her first love. Yet, a melancholic expression graced her beautiful features despite the joyous event. She looked as if she would shatter if one dared touch even a single strand of her silken hair.

“I did not expect you to come,” her hushed whisper broke through the calm silence as she acknowledged the presence of another being intruding into her private haven.

“You are to mate the hanyou on the morrow. It is customary for the alpha male of the pack to be present. This one came to offer his consent,” a deep baritone answered the question she did not voice aloud from behind her.

“Does Rin-chan know you are here?” Kagome asked then in a soft voice, her sapphire orbs never straying from the alluring crescent moon so much alike the Prussian blue marking on his ageless face.

“It is well past the twilight. She is resting as all humans are,” Sesshoumaru stated in a gentler timbre at her mention of his ward.

“Why are you _here_ , Sesshoumaru?” the miko inquired with a desperate undertone in her faltering voice, strongly affected by his invasion of her personal space. He was not one to impose on others nor did he appreciate the company of humans save for Rin. At least that is what she had willed herself to believe; otherwise, she would have not been able to stand in his presence in a detached manner as easily.

“You are without blooded kin, miko. This Sesshoumaru will assume that role in the mating ritual,” the daiyoukai explained in a dispassionate tone, dismissing her query blatantly. She had not asked him this and they both knew it; however, he did not seem in the mood to pretend this night.

“I appreciate the offer, Sesshoumaru. Thank you,” Kagome replied in a hollow voice, wishing he would leave and spare her the sweet torture of his company.

Neither of them spoke again as they stood still, the night sky swallowing their pale forms slowly as hazy clouds shadowed the opalescent moonshine.

Not willing to withstand the darkness which threatened to arouse illicit sensations when he was near her, she turned to walk towards the fire lit hut. However, as she caught sight of his lean form, she became mesmerized by heated pools of pure gold, halting her plans of return. She could clearly discern the torrid emotion displayed in his piercing golden orbs; it was the reason she had refused to look upon him when she first felt the beckoning pulse of his powerful energy. She had seen this forbidden expression on his perfect features before, yet she could not answer the irresistible call. They were who they were; beings who were not meant to exchange such clandestine glances. He was a youkai lord, untouched by human emotions and she was a ningen priestess, cursed with impure desires. It was a terrible fallacy to yearn for such a dangerous touch.

Yet, still she kept her icy gaze locked onto his fiery one, still she let her tainted amethyst reiki entangle with his wild crimson youki heavily; still she shivered in dark need when he growled in feral want. She collapsed to her knees after he finally indulged the silent plea to leave her be and cried her searing ache to the ancient earth.

The next morning an impassionate daiyoukai escorted a smiling miko to a nervous hanyou. After the mating ceremony had been concluded, the regal inuyoukai disappeared as if he had never attended the ritual at all.


	8. The Secret That Burdened Her Heart

“I am despicable and well do I deserve the agony that riddles my heart now. There is no one else to blame for this and I will bear the burden of my sin alone.”

_Kagome_

* * *

“I am truly sorry, Inuyasha,” Kagome repeated in a soft, apologetic voice for the twelfth time after their mating a year ago when her menstrual cycle had once again run its natural course.

“Keh, don’t worry about it, woman. We have all the time in the world,” the dog eared hanyou flashed her a sad smile as he pulled his mate close for a comforting embrace when he saw the dejected expression in her face yet another time. He could not understand why the kami were treating them with such cruelty. Had they not fought against evil, saving mankind from a reign of terror? Were they not worthy of a little miracle at last?

“I’m going to work on the fields. Just take it easy and rest,” he advised with a gentle kiss to his mate’s forehead as he left to grieve alone the reality of their barren union. He did not wish to upset Kagome anymore with his depressed thoughts.

“I’ll make your favorite dinner,” Kagome shouted after him in an attempt to lift his spirits after her grave revelation. She choked back a pained cry refusing to raise her eyes and let him see the guilt clearly hiding in their sapphire depths.

Inuyasha would never know of her treachery if she could help it, but the sole responsible for this terrible situation was only her. How could she bring forth life with the Shikon mocking and threatening to corrupt the innocent soul in her belly before it even had a chance to see the beauty of this world?

No, it would be best to suffer this insanity alone for it was her abominable sin to pay in blood and tears exclusively. She would not drag another being in her horrid predicament; especially not a precious infant who had done nothing wrong to deserve this. Thus, she had secretly brewed a concoction of rare herbs to ensure her infertility each month even if it worsened the pain felt many times more during her cycle. She was running low of the necessary herbs lately, so she should gather more soon.

Gritting her teeth to swallow a silent moan threatening to escape her hoarse throat, she stood up to prepare a basket with lunch while she would be out searching for the herbs. They did not grow near the village, so she had to venture quite a ways into the forest to find them. How apropos; wretched secrets hidden deep inside a dark forest, filled with her misery ridden grief on each passing month.

She recalled in clarity the day she had implored the seasoned old miko to share the recipe of this disaster. Kaede had looked at her with sorrow filled eyes, shaking her head with a disquieting expression as she revealed the ingredients needed and the correct way of preparing the concoction. She had not asked any difficult questions or threw accusations in Kagome’s face even though she was within her rights to demand a proper explanation. She had only made a sole inquiry with a sympathetic look towards the young miko.

_“Are ya sure yer not going to regret this, child?”_

_“I am despicable and well do I deserve the agony that riddles my heart now. There is no one else to blame for this and I will bear the burden of my sin alone.”_

Kaede had merely nodded in mute understanding as she had squeezed Kagome’s shoulder in an act of support, a silent vow to never breathe a word of this atrocity to anyone. She had kept this dark secret well, taking it with her to the grave three months ago. Kagome had been inconsolable at having burdened the kind woman with yet another grievance before she left this world.

Shaking her head to clear these despondent memories, she began her slow trek into the familiar forest, her bow clutched tensely within her grasp. Even with Naraku destroyed, many dangers still lurked around, craving the soft flesh of ningen and the Shikon acted as a mighty beacon to these beastly creatures. She was more than capable of taking care of such minor foes by herself with the enhanced spiritual powers and combat expertise she had gained with Midoriko’s sacrifice, but she was becoming worn out because of these constant attacks and the blood that saturated her skin with each passing month.

She could not understand how Inuyasha was able to withstand the vile stench and still lie with her every night, for she was appalled by her own scent, bile gathering in the pits of her stomach at the thought of her bloodstained hands. The great miko of the Shikon no Tama had been reduced to nothing more than a tainted soul, corrupted so thoroughly her spirit wailed and soared in outrage; sometimes even reveled in her detestable kills. That was her greatest fear and regret. How long would she be able to keep the malevolent desires at bay? How long would she be able to keep up this carefully constructed lie?


	9. The Words That Bound Her Soul

"You are _mine_ for all eternity; always were and always will be. Should you ever forget, I will make you recall of whom you belong to time and again."

_Sesshoumaru_

* * *

Kagome had become lost in thoughts of her bleak future as she searched for the required herbs. Night was approaching fast and youkai would swarm the forest in search of soft flesh and warm blood soon. Not that it mattered much to her as she was in no danger of being felled by their kind. She did not wish for Inuyasha to worry and come in search of her, though. Her dark secrets should forever remain hidden under the grey leaves of the withering trees at the secluded heart of the forest. Picking up her half full basket quickly, she turned to leave deciding that a later trip for the rest of the herbs would be the better choice for now.

Before she could take another step however, a tantalizing youki washed over her senses, alerting her to the presence of a demon with immense power, stalking her inside the haunting forest. She stilled, awaiting his approach silently as the scalding energy was not unknown to her. A pale figure, clad in grey steel and alabaster fur, appeared before her as she had predicted. Silver, silken tresses billowed under the night breeze as a light halo of crackling energy bathed his lithe form. Perfect features holding a feminine allure yet so utterly masculine at the same time greeted her transfixed stare. He looked as if carved from stone in all his regality; however, his intense golden gaze revealed more than mere words ever could regarding the inner storm raging in his heated blood.

Her pulse accelerated at the dangerously appealing sight of him perusing her with a ravaging hunger she was all too well aware. She stood petrified, unsure of how she should react. Running would only serve to entice him more, and offering words of denial would not succeed in quenching his overwhelming desire. What other choice had she been left with but to answer his beckoning lust with her own? She had already betrayed Inuyasha in unforgivable ways. Adding to her despicable sins now would not make such a difference, yet she feared she might actually break under the pressure if she were to indulge this one. The thought of him shattering her whole at last was a welcome one and this frightened her more than any evil lure the Shikon no Tama had ever tempted her with.

The miko knew instinctively that he would not take a negative answer this time. She was intimately acquainted with the prideful being at a deeper level and the fact that he had appeared before her now meant he was unable to rid himself of his wretched urges as was she. He came fully aware of the repercussions; he chose to surrender to a whim of fate. Her cold blood roared to life at the realization and her dead soul responded to his call with a blinding radiance. She would give in to the sinful temptation if only for a night. His hooded gaze darkened as he saw the conviction shimmering in her sapphire eyes. A low rumbling sound reverberated through the thick forest, warning all to remove themselves from this area or face his wrath.

He did not utter a single word; only took her to the ground forcibly in a fluid motion her startled gaze could not follow. Her breath escaped her throat in a husky gasp when she felt steely metal and hard flesh pressing against her trembling body. Slender, clawed fingers encircled her delicate neck in a vice-like grip, plastering her to the cold, unforgiving ground as searching fingers untied the obi of her miko garb in wild, untamed movements. He had no plans of offering her slow pleasure or whispering lies of affection. She deserved the severity of his forbidden touch and the accusation burning in his liquid gold stare. Why? Why did she cause such illicit emotions within him, he seemed to inquire silently.

Her supple thighs parted willingly to accommodate his hips when he was done partially undressing their lower halves. Warm flesh slid against her welcoming folds almost teasing her with the promise of unadulterated pleasure before he plunged inside her with a powerful thrust. A needy moan spilled from her lips, but the unwavering hand pressing her down did not slacken in the least; instead, it tightened around her neck, bruising the rosy skin as he moved within her fast, growling viciously above her. Her clenching fingers buried themselves deep into the earth at her sides, clawing at the grainy surface of the ground as it was the only action he allowed her.

Her body shook from the furious pounding of the youkai holding her captive under his heavy weight decisively. She felt his free hand reach lower towards the joining of their bodies to stroke a bundle of nerves, heightening the consuming sensations coursing though her body. She closed her eyes unable to look upon the perfection of his face anymore, lost in the throes of passion. This was not right, yet it felt as if it were. This was not supposed to happen yet it did. She blamed her weak resolve for succumbing to his will and becoming his finely tuned puppet.

The strong hand, wrapped around her neck, constricted and sharp claws bit into the yielding skin, forcing her to lift her heavy eyelids with difficulty and stare at him in shock pleadingly. She did not know of what she was truly begging him. To continue his slow suffocation, ending her miserable existence, or release her to wallow in regret and shame for the rest of her wretched eternity? Whatever the answer was, it would be forever hidden to her as an electrifying current pierced through her heaving frame next. She convulsed around his hardness violently, taking him with her as she climaxed in a torrent of pure light mixed with his pulsating, domineering youki. When she came down of the exhilarating high, she felt a fullness within her palpitating flesh, caressing her inner walls as if it was made to always be sheathed there.

The tight pressure on her neck loosened, but was not fully removed. Instead, he leaned closer, a mere breadth's away from her quivering lips, invading her completely in all manners plausible. The possessive gleam in the depths of his crimson stained gaze devoured her to the very core of her soul. He spoke then, in a sovereign rumble, for the first time; his absolute words shackling her tortured spirit in unbreakable bonds.

"You are _mine_ for all eternity; always were and always will be. Should you ever forget, I will make you recall of whom you belong to time and again."


	10. The Friend Who Offered Compassion

"We are weak beings, ruled by earthly desires. Eventually, even the purest of heart will succumb to darkness."

_Miroku_

* * *

It was supposed to have been a single night of moonlighting passion to be forgotten and buried under the heavy weight of her preceded sins. Yet, she had found herself helpless to deny the irresistible call once every moon cycle. She had responded and submitted to him time and again for the coming year. Vile. Treacherous. Unforgivable. The condemning words kept repeating themselves in her broken mind, but they were drowned under another. Inescapable. She could no longer listen to reason nor restrain the urge to be with him.

Perhaps the Shikon had deceived her in succumbing to impure desires, for it was ever silent each time she was embraced by him. Blissful silence; she craved his touch and she reveled in the mute ambience he brought with him. For the first time after the accursed day she had assumed this wretched duty, she felt in control of her thoughts. No. This had been a decision of her making. She could not blame the cursed trinket for this nor did she want to. This was her sin and hers alone. The jewel had already robbed her of far too much. She would not allow it to corrupt this as well.

'Corrupt? I must have given in to insanity if I can call this betrayal pure,' Kagome mused bitterly as a cold chuckle escaped her at the delusional thought.

"May I know what amuses you, Kagome-sama?" Miroku asked with a kind smile as he sipped his tea gingerly.

"Nothing of importance, Miroku-san. How is Sango-chan? I am assuming you are here to request for my assistance in the upcoming birth of your third child," the miko replied with facetious laughter when the monk's eyes shimmered with pride and love at her mention of his wife's delicate condition. However, his exuberant expression faltered as a serious calm replaced the joy he displayed previously.

"Partly. I would have come regardless of Sango's imminent birth. Inuyasha sent message calling for us, Kagome-sama. Sango could not travel in her condition, though," Miroku revealed with a fastidious expression, watching her intently behind half lidded eyes. He did not mention the contents of the message deliberately in order to gauge her reaction to the news.

"I see. Then I suppose it is useless to pretend. If it was Sango-chan, I could have made a plausible excuse; however, you are not as easily fooled, so it is moot to even try at this point," Kagome contemplated aloud, confirming his suspicions as he perused her with a saddened gaze.

"Are you truly infertile? I saw herbs carefully hidden in baskets in earlier visits. I might be a man, but I am aware of what they are used for," Miroku asked as he squeezed her hand in an act of comfort, urging her to talk openly.

"I might as well be by now. Kaede-baachan warned me of the repercussions when I first started using the herb mix. She hinted that in time it might actually have permanent effects," the miko confessed in a doleful voice after she realized it was futile to try and hide the detestable truth.

"I feared as much. Mind telling me why you would resort to such methods? You can rest assured that this conversation will stay between us," the houshi inquired with a hushed voice as the light diminished from his amethyst gaze at her grave revelation.

"I had no doubt, Miroku-san. I know it will pain you to hear this, but I am certain you will not utter a word to others. I do not wish to bring forth life while the cursed jewel is under my care," the miko replied simply, seeing no reason to elaborate on the matter. Miroku was a holy man. He should have noticed by now the tainted aura she exuded in waves.

"Do you find my decision despicable? Do you think of me as loathsome? I would not find fault with you if you did," she continued after the dark haired man stayed silent with a glum expression blanketing his beautiful features.

"We are weak beings, ruled by earthly desires. Eventually, even the purest of heart will succumb to darkness," Miroku returned in a dreary voice as he gifted her with a sympathetic glance.

"If only that were the extent of my damnation…" the miko muttered in a tortured whisper with a glassy expression.

"You have surrendered to him at last…Sesshoumaru-sama," Miroku completed her unsaid sentence in a grim voice.

"I figured you would have known. You were always the sharpest in our small group of misfits," Kagome laughed tonelessly as she confirmed his guess.

"It feels very much like a curse at this moment, though," the monk sighed deeply, shaking his head at the complications of her situation.

"The only person cursed is I. You do not have to share in my sufferings, nor do I wish for you to become involved, Miroku-san. If only you had never…" the priestess countered brokenly before she felt strong arms wrapping around her shaking form and was pulled into a warm embrace.


	11. The Wolf Who Cried Truth

"Claim her as yours or never show yourself in her presence again. Choose before the choice is taken from you."

_Kouga_

* * *

"I don't know how to act around her anymore. I wish to be there for her, but she is not the only one hurting by this. She became worse after Sango gave birth again. I think I'm losing her…and I can't help but blame her a little for this deep inside," the silver haired hanyou confessed in a hoarse whisper, thick despair coating his broken voice.

"I didn't come to hear your pathetic wallowing! You are her mate. She chose you. Be a man and stand by your woman in her time of need or I will steal her away!" the wolf prince returned with a light snort in an attempt to rouse his long time rival from his depressing mood.

"I appreciate your coming. She'll be happy to see you after such a long time," Inuyasha thanked the stunned wolf with a somber smile.

"And cut the jokes, wolf. You finally got yourself a mate and decided to settle down. I hope you'll be happy, bastard," he added gruffly in their usual teasing banter, flashing the other male a genuine grin and patting him on the back before he walked away.

"I can't kick your ass in gear if you show that kind of troubled expression, damn mutt…" Kouga muttered with a dejected sigh as he entered the hut where Kagome was preparing lunch.

"Long time no see, Kagome! How is my woman doing?" the ookami exclaimed with a jovial tone as he swept the dark haired woman in a tight embrace.

"Isn't it time you stopped calling me that, Kouga-kun? I heard you are mated. Congratulations!" the miko scolded him without any vice as she returned the hug with fervor, clinging to the wolf for a few seconds. His familiar spicy, sandalwood scent caused a wave of nostalgia to awake within her.

"You will always be a pack sister to me, Kagome. Though, the mutt you mated is another matter. Why did it have to be him of all people?" Kouga joked good-naturedly as he gifted her with a cheeky smile and her azure gaze brightened behind misted lashes.

"Who would you have approved besides yourself then, my mighty alpha?" the miko countered in an amused manner with a mischievous smirk as she motioned for him to take a seat while she brought the tea.

"I only wish for your happiness, Kagome. Don't lie to me, please. I met with _him_ before I came here," the wolf prince revealed in a deep rumble with a serious gaze as he took her frail hand in his calloused ones. She stared at him shell shocked, silent horror replacing the playfulness in the depths of her sapphire gaze.

"You might not know it, but he and I meet regularly to discuss land matters. We occasionally share a drink as well after I pester him to death. He is as cold and merciless as ever in his negotiations, but I noticed a change in him about a year ago. I confronted him in our last encounter out of stupid curiosity and he nearly tore out my windpipe when I mentioned he's probably lonely and should find a mate like his brother. I had never seen him in such a feral state before. He is not one to surrender to his beast for no reason either. It was pretty obvious my careless words had an effect. I may act stupid at times, but I'm quite perceptive when it matters. It didn't take me long to discover what exactly had riled him up that much. It was my mention of _you_ , but you already know this, don't you?" Kouga whispered the last sentence with a coaxing tone, his gaze alight with sympathy as he squeezed her trembling hand.

"Inuyasha doesn't know…please…the truth will hurt him so much and I have already wounded him beyond measure or forgiveness," the miko pleaded despondently, her downcast gaze filled with shame, not bearing to look into the wolf's sincere blue orbs anymore.

"The mutt was broken long before you came into his life, Kagome. You gave him a reason to live for a brief time, but his heart was no longer here. You thought by mating him, you could fool both of yourselves a while longer, but it's not working out anymore for either of you, is it?" the dark haired man surmised softly with a pained expression as he tugged at her arm and engulfed her in his warm embrace.

"You knew?" Kagome asked in a tortured whisper, her slight form shaking in silent tears as he rocked her gently.

"I told you I'm not as stupid as I appear," the wolf jested with his comforting, deep laughter as he stroked her raven mane.

"I don't know what I should do anymore. I can't recognize this detestable creature I have become…" the miko murmured a grief laden cry, burying her tear streaked face in his chest.

"He may not have used the same words, but he said the exact same thing," Kouga confessed with a light rumble, vibrating deep in his chest, lulling her tired spirit as a memory of not long ago resurfaced in his mind.

" _Kagome is my pack mate whether you like it or not. And, I hate to admit it, but Inuyasha is my friend. I will have my say in this mess you created. Claim her as yours or never show yourself in her presence again. Choose before the choice is taken from you_ ," Kouga growled weakly as he fought against the brutal claw, pinning him to the ground by the neck viciously.

" _I am the Lord of the West. I cannot bring such disgrace to the House of the Moon by taking a claimed female as my own; more so of my pack. And she…she will never leave the hanyou willingly_ ," Sesshoumaru rumbled in a purely demonic voice, tendrils of crimson bleeding through his golden vision as he slammed the wolf to the ground hard before releasing a howl of anguish to the heavens.


	12. The Choice She Could Not Make

"I should have fought alongside him as was my birthright and duty. You should have let me go – you let _him_ go."

_Inuyasha_

* * *

She had lost count of how many nights he had embraced her by now. Tonight was supposed to have been no different. Yet, the lavish tongue lapping against her neck, the strong grip tightening around her hip, the sweltering heat throbbing within her womb told her that it was. His languid rhythm bellied the heavy emotion in the golden depths. She could feel his wild youki branding intricate patterns along her naked skin. Tonight – _he_ was different.

"What troubles your mind?" the miko asked in a tentative whisper, nestled in her lover's arms after they were finished. It was rare for him to spend more than a moment's time with her. Yet, tonight, he stayed, he held her.

"The Northern ryuu clan has challenged the West. We are to duel in the morrow," the daiyoukai confessed in a hushed rumble against the soft silk of her ebony locks.

"I heard from Inuyasha. Ryuukotsusei's son, correct? He would make a formidable opponent," Kagome mused with a skeptical expression. An overwhelming feeling of dread gathered in the pit of her stomach the more she pondered on the imminent battle.

"He appears to have surpassed his late sire in strength and cunning," Sesshoumaru confirmed her initial guess in a gravely tone.

"No matter; he cannot defeat you. Inuyasha wished to accompany you, but I advised him against it. You are powerful enough on your own," the raven haired woman remarked with absolute certainty, ignoring the uneasy pang within her heart.

"No – there is only one being who can fell this one," Sesshoumaru revealed slowly, his lips curving slightly in semblance of a bitter smile, causing her gaze to widen in surprise.

"I do not know of what you speak," Kagome murmured with regret, burying her face in the crook of his neck, wishing to hide away from the aching truth in his words.

"Do you not? Yes – you do," he pressed unfettered, allowing her no escape as usual. She refused to acknowledge him, she did not wish to hear what he had to say; she already knew.

"I have grown weary, Kagome. We come and go as we please – we always have. It is time to end; it is time to choose." His deep baritone echoed in her ears, awakening her brutally to the cruel future she had hoped to avoid at all costs.

"You cannot mean…What of your clan? What of my mate?" she questioned with apprehension in her hoarse voice as she tilted her head back to peruse him pleadingly.

"I do not care any longer. Do you understand? I do _not_ care," he reiterated with more passion lacing his solemn timbre than she had ever heard before.

"But I care. You _know_ this. How can you ask me when you know?" she demanded breathlessly – in the verge of panic – as she banged her small fists against his chest.

"I am not asking; I am stating." The cold steel of his harsh timbre shackled her in invisible bonds as she found herself on her back underneath him.

"No more lies." Long, slender fingers laced between her own, stretching her arms above her head forcefully.

"No more trysts." Feverish lips grazed against hers, igniting a slow, liquid fire within her veins.

"No more secrets." Strong, pale hips settled between her thighs, her waist arching off the ground to press against the hardness of his flesh instinctively.

"Choose, woman, before madness seeps in my blood and rage settles in my heart – before I kill us both." The animalistic growling nuance of his voice trailed over her shivering skin, drowning her in carnal instincts as she surrendered to his frantic thrusts. She felt sharp fangs sliding down the column of her neck. Teasing. Grazing. Nipping. They never marred the skin, never tore into soft flesh, never made true of the promise.

She lay still on the soft grass for a long time after he left her, eyes unseeing, mouth agape, heartbeat pounding. Her dazed mind could not process the reality he spoke of. She should have known he would not be content for long with what little she gave. Yes, she should have. But, she could not give what he asked. For _his_ sake – not for hers. She would ruin him if she did; and he must have known.

The slow trek home was unbearable, filled with haunting words and piercing golden eyes. What would he do with her silence? He had seemed reckless, uncaring, insane…

The answer to her terrible question was delivered by no other than her mate the next evening.

"I should have fought alongside him as was my birthright and duty. You should have let me go – you let _him_ go." Sorrow ridden golden orbs – so much alike his – bored into her sapphire pools despondently.

She knew then. Her mask had been unveiled without her conscious knowledge a long time ago.


	13. The Memories Than Haunted Their Future

"If you cannot live for yourself then live for your mate, for your pack – for us and our own. You are the Shikon Miko; you will always be."

_Sango_

* * *

"How are you faring, my friend?" Miroku asked with a sympathetic smile, placing a hand on the hanyou's shoulder in a small act of comfort.

"My brother is dead. My mate is alive – but she is _not_. I…I have lost them both," Inuyasha choked out in a broken whisper, burying his face in his clawed hands as he slumped against the hut's wall slowly.

"All is not lost. Kagome-sama will recover in time. You only need to stay by her side as she stayed by yours when you needed her the most," the monk advised in a gentle voice, his handsome features seemingly aged with worry.

"Keh, what good did that do? Look at where it got us! She should have never agreed to mate me, I should have never asked, we both should have let go," the silver haired male broke down, the lamenting words drenched by the metallic taste of blood in his mouth.

"What is done is done – and cannot be undone. We all make hard choices and can never foresee the outcomes of our actions. You must not dwell in past choices. She will wish to move forward once again when her grief is not heavy upon her," the dark haired man mused aloud, thick emotion burdening his voice.

"I wish I could believe that, monk – I wish I could. But you don't see the things I see, you can't feel the things I feel," Inuyasha returned in a barely audible whisper, his mind overcome with memories of silver and gold so much alike his – but not _his_ – and intricate emotions he could not accept.

"Is it the mating mark?" the monk surmised, sparing his friend the anguish of having to explain himself further.

"Thank you for coming. Sango's presence will be good for her. I need to clear my head, I can't be near her right now; I can't handle _her_ darkness, too," the dog eared hanyou confessed, walking away.

* * *

"You must eat something, Kagome-chan, _please_ ," Sango begged the shadow of a woman her friend had become in the time she had not seen her. There was not even a flicker of response from the hunched woman in the darkest corner of the dimly lit hut.

"It's alright, it'll be alright," Sango placed the plate of untouched food on the floor in favor of engulfing the silent woman in a tight hug.

"You'll be alright, we'll be alright," she repeated the mantra over and over again, rocking them both back and forth, scalding tears streaking down her face.

"Why?" Sango would have missed the despairing question had she not been curled around her friend.

" _Why_?" This utterance was high-pitched, urgent – bordering on madness.

"I don't know, Kagome-chan. Only you can answer that question," Sango replied to her rhetoric question regardless.

"It's my fault – I know. It's my fault!" the miko shrieked the last sentence in the verge of a mental breakdown.

"Look at me, Kagome-chan!" the taijiya commanded in a strangled tone, placing her hands on the miko's cheeks and turning her head to face her fully.

" _You_ are alive; _Inuyasha_ is alive. If you cannot live for yourself then live for your mate, for your pack – for us and our own. You are the Shikon Miko; you will always be," Sango bit out in a pleading order, willing her strength into her sister through the contact of their clammy skin.

"But he is gone – _gone_ ," Kagome breathed in a tremulous timbre, her sapphire gaze wide, hollow, dull.

"Yes, he is," Sango agreed, her unwavering voice holding the conviction Kagome needed to hear, pressing a soft kiss on the miko's forehead.

" _Indeed, he is gone. Your pillar has left you all alone, little miko. How long can you endure my_ voice _all on your lonesome – I wonder."_ A malicious voice awakened inside Kagome's mind, reminding her with painful clarity of her wretched duty once more.

* * *

"What are you doing here, wolf? Did you come to rub it in my face that you _knew_? I know you did…" Inuyasha snarled in an attempt to rile up the wolf prince.

"You're a first class moron, you know that? You can drop the pathetic act. I won't kill you if that's what you're hoping," Kouga returned with a sneer, seeing right through the hanyou's rash attempt.

"What am I supposed to do then!? She'll never see me in the same way again. To her I'll always be silver hair and golden eyes from now on. Just like she was miko and guardian of the Shikon to me. It's a never-ending cycle of misery and deceit," Inuyasha burst out with harsh laughter, his own words a sharp blade cutting through his soul.

"She knew that when she agreed to mate you. If nothing else, you owe her the same courtesy. Pick up your broken pieces, meld them together, and be her goddamn mate! You are _not_ your brother – and you never will be. You think she doesn't know this? It's this knowledge that has hurt her the most since a long time ago!" the ookami bellowed with white-hot rage, losing control of his tightly leashed rage.

"I won't kill you as I've said, but I _will_ knock some sense into you," Kouga promised in a low growl, drawing first blood.


	14. The End That No One Wished For

_The End That No One Wished For_

"If only I could turn back time – that is my wish. Shikon no Tama, grant me this last wish! A life for a life – I give you mine in exchange for hers."

_Shippou_

* * *

 

The first one to leave her had been Sango – her sister – with her warm, chocolate eyes and kind, loving smile. She had been the one to pull her back after she lost that which could never be reclaimed. She had taken her back to the taijiya village, surrounded her with the joy of life and her children's warmth, making the miko forget her soul sucking sorrow for a while. Kagome had stayed with her family for decades, allowing the shards of her broken spirit to be glued back together for a passing time. It had been a temporary fix that would not last, she knew. Sango's time was limited however, and Kagome did not have the heart to tell her that. Thus, she had kept this pretense up till the bitter end, till breath did not reside in her sister's lungs nor heart beat within her chest.

Miroku had followed shortly after his wife, her loss too great a burden on his shoulders. The miko expected this would happen soon, her mind more prepared to bear the deep ache of his absence this time. Their children would remain to keep her company and remind her of them, and then their grandchildren, and their children, too, and so forth. Still, she missed the knowing gleam in the depths of his amethyst gaze and his comforting words just the same. He had always known what to say and when to speak – and when not. If it had not been for his wise tongue, Kagome was certain Inuyasha would have left her long before Sango or Miroku naturally did.

She could not stand to be near her mate the time when her tragedy was still fresh in her thoughts – neither could he. Their mating mark, their cursed bond, it would not let them rest. She could never cease to dream of golden eyes and sliver hair so much alike his – and blue crescent and maroon stripes but on a face that was not his. _Love, lust, life_ – Sesshoumaru had been her everything for a long time. Kagome could not remember when this had begun; she could only recall the day it had ended – again, and again, and again. For this reason, she had chosen to distance herself from Inuyasha until the bittersweet taste of betrayal burned his tongue no more; until she could no longer hurt him with her foolish longing for something she could never have again – and be content with what she _still_ had.

Inuyasha was the one who came to her first after she was left bereft in a village with faces she _knew,_ yet not. It pained her too much to be amongst _their_ descendants and seeing them in their eyes and smiles without thinking of them every single moment. He did not offer her recriminated words nor did he expect delayed apologies; he simply took her in his arms and Kagome felt the familiar safety within his embrace once more. She had despaired and given up hope of ever finding comfort in his touch again, but she had been _wrong_. With time came lethe and with lethe came amity. Her mate did not shy or flinch away from her touch anymore and she could give in freely without mistaking him for _another_.

The Shikon's voice slumbered once more deep in the confines of her heart, shackled in newly forged chains of affection and understanding. However, Kagome had forgotten that Inuyasha was hanyou – not youkai or ningen but _both_. She did not wish to acknowledge this unchanging fact, so she purged it from thought until the time she could ignore it no more arrived. The day she saw Inuyasha – and really _saw_ him for the first time – tired, aged, resigned, she knew how cruel fate truly was. In the end, he would leave her, too. Maybe not now, maybe not soon, but she could not deny the inevitability of his mortal blood. That wretched day the _voice_ of the Shikon no Tama awakened and slept nevermore.

* * *

 

"K-Kagome – please… wake up… _wake up_!" Someone was calling for her with such aching sadness in his shattered breaths. She knew this voice – _who_ was he? Who – Shippou? _Shippou_!

Her eyes snapped wide then closed again, the suffocating fumes of the raving flames all around her searing her vision. _Flames_ and _ashes_ and _crimson pain_ – for as far or as close as she could see – everywhere. Where was she? Where was this hellish place? Auburn silk captured her half lidded gaze, the dark red shade matted with the touch of death.

"Shippou!?" Kagome released a choked scream at the sight of her son – a broken man lying on her feet. Who had wounded her son? Who had caused the carnage raging all around them?

" _Can you not tell, little miko? Yes, you know – look at your scarlet hands. Stained with the blood of innocents and sinners alike. We make no exception, we just ravage as we were meant to do since the beginning of our creation!"_ A maleficent whisper – carrying the tint of insanity and rapture – echoed in her heavy mind.

"No – I would never, I did _not_ –" the miko denied the stinging truth with scalding tears raining down her blackened cheeks. A weak shuffle drew her straying attention to her kit – all grown up – a man now; a _dead_ man.

"If only I could turn back time – that is my wish. Shikon no Tama, grant me this last wish! A life for a life – I give you mine in exchange for hers," Shippou mastered his last strength to utter these foreboding words, his powerful youki subduing the rampant energy of the cursed jewel into doing his bidding. Then the light distinguished from the emerald fire of his eyes forever.


	15. The Time When All Began Anew

_The Time When All Began Anew_

"Well, then, I better start believing in youkai now as I'm about to meet one…"

_Kagome_

* * *

"W-where am I?" Kagome clutched her side with a pained expression, thick red liquid coating her fingers as she tried to put pressure on her wound. She was becoming lightheaded from blood loss and her mind could still _not_ wrap around the extraordinary events of her day. Had she really been dragged into her shrine's old well by a centipede monster woman? Had the well actually teleported her to another place that looked nothing like her home? Had she somehow defeated the strange insect-woman with a blinding light that spilled from within her? She winced in stinging pain and her vision dimmed, unable to form coherent thought anymore as darkness overwhelmed her.

"Careful now, child. Apply the salve first then bind her wound – not tight, she needs to be able to breathe."

"Hai, Kaede-sama. Is this good enough?"

Feminine whispers infiltrated Kagome's hazy mind, awakening her from a dreamless sleep. An old woman and a much younger one, she surmised from the distinctive timbre of their voices. She mastered all of her strength in an attempt to rouse her sluggish body, yet all she achieved was to raise her heavy lids. Her suspicions were confirmed as she encountered two pairs of brown eyes – one faded due to old age and one vibrant from fresh youth – staring at her with veiled curiosity and caution.

"Where am I?" the same question escaped Kagome's lips before she could come up with a different one. Her voice sounded raspy like she had not used it for a while and she cleared her throat audibly. A ceramic cup was pressed against her lips and cool liquid soothed her abused throat. She swallowed slowly, savoring the pure taste of the herb mix.

"Yer in Edo, girl. Where do _ye_ hail from?" the older woman answered her question, pushing Kagome down when she tried to move instinctively.

"Lie back down, girl. Yer wound will take some time to heal," the old miko advised sternly. Kagome could tell she was a miko from the traditional white and red grab she wore – the younger girl, too. Though, she must have been an apprentice because she seemed a bit young in years.

"E-Edo?" Kagome sputtered with an incredulous expression when the elder woman's words finally sank in her drugged mind. No – this could not be true. Tokyo had not been Edo for almost two centuries now – not after the Meiji restoration. _How_ could this be?

"Aye, Rin here found ye collapsed near the Bone Eaters well. It appeared as if ye had been attacked by a youkai. 'Twas fortunate yer a powerful enough miko to defeat it, but ye suffered a serious wound as well," Kaede explained her situation in more words that only served to further confuse Kagome.

'Edo? Miko? Youkai?'What was this senile old woman referring to? Had Kagome suffered a concussion and was perhaps hallucinating? There was no other explanation for why she appeared to have been transported back in time, be a miko, and have been attacked by an imaginary youkai. Her grandfather could insist that youkai existed all he wanted, but it was no more than a fabled myth as far as she was concerned.

"The similarity is uncanny though…" the old miko mused aloud with a speculative gleam in the depths of her brown eyes – no, not eyes, _eye_. She wore a black patch over one eye, indicating she had perhaps lost it in the past. Kagome stayed silent, attempting to put her jumbled thoughts in order as the other women conversed in hushed whispers. A name kept coming up in their conversation though, drawing Kagome's attention.

"Kikyou?" Kagome forgot herself and asked with an inquisitive tone.

"Aye, Kikyou was my sister and ye closely resemble her – except for yer blue eyes. Are ye hanyou then, girl? Nay, yer a miko, ye cannot be hanyou," Kaede murmured more to herself than Kagome, lost in her speculations.

"I'm Higurashi, Kagome. I don't know this Kikyou person you're comparing me to, but I'm not her," Kagome revealed, deciding it was better to start with simple introductions and work her way into clearing up this mess to finally make some sense.

"Pleased to meet you, Kagome-sama. My name is Rin," the younger girl graced Kagome with a warm smile, then added with a small frown, "Your clothing is strange; what village do you come from?"

'This is going to be rather hard to explain,' Kagome exhaled a deep sigh, opting to accept things as they were for now and try to find some answers to her predicament. She had been apparently brought back in the past; surely there should be a way to travel back, too. She only needed to find that and her crazy adventure would end with no further implications.

"'Tis the Shikon no Tama. Yer my sister's reincarnation and successor. Ye look too much like her not to be. The Shikon was born anew in yer body and brought ye back," Kaede proclaimed after Kagome had divulged all information about how she had gotten there and what had occurred.

"The Shikon no Tama?" Kagome repeated with a perplexed expression, recalling her grandfather telling her about it at a past occasion.

"My sister was the previous guardian of the cursed jewel, but she died taking it with her. She fell in love with a hanyou and became careless. They both were tricked by a kitsune youkai and led to their deaths," Kaede offered the condensed version of what had happened, but Kagome was not satisfied with so few details. Even if Kaede was right – and she was Kikyou's reincarnation – why was she brought to the past? She could have cared for the jewel in her own time just the same. She told as such to the old miko who merely shook her head with a troubled sigh.

"The Shikon no Tama must have wished to come back on its own. The kitsune youkai was not always evil. He was a young, kind man when my sister met him, but the jewel corrupted him. He loved Kikyou, but my sister loved a hanyou. The jewel twisted his pure feelings into seething hatred and this tragedy occurred. It must have wanted to be re-united with the kitsune, so it could create havoc once more. Shippou is still alive and hiding; he is mourning the loss of Kikyou and searches for ways to resurrect her," Kaede speculated with a serious voice, and Rin nodded her agreement.

"Hai, we have scattered Kikyou-sama's ashes to the ocean for that reason. There is no way to bring her back now – not even black magic can do that without a trace of her left in this world," Rin added, shivering lightly at the mention of black magic and the evil fox youkai. Suddenly, the girl's head whipped towards the exit of the hut and she let out a delighted squeal.

"Go on, child. Yer guardian has come to visit ye. 'Tis not often he does. I will stay with Kagome and tend to her injury," Kaede urged the girl outside with an amused chuckle.

"Guardian?" Kagome asked softly, feeling an overwhelming smothering sensation. Something huge and heavy was approaching, the likes of which she had never felt before.

"Sesshoumaru. He is an inuyoukai, brother to Inuyasha – Kami bless his and my sister's soul. Inuyasha was Kikyou's hanyou mate," Kaede revealed with a small shake of her head, saying a silent prayer for the fallen pair.

Kagome took the chance to digest the countless information she had just learned. She was transported five hundred years back in the past, she was the reincarnation of Kikyou and the new Shikon Miko, a kitsune youkai by the name of Shippou would come for the jewel soon, and an inuyoukai named Sesshoumaru had come for a visit. Life as she knew it had seemed to come to an abrupt end.

'Well, then, I better start believing in youkai now as I'm about to meet one…' Kagome surrendered to her weird fate, deciding to take one step at a time and explore this new world before her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: The END. I might be tempted to make a sequel to his fic which would not be as angst-y as this one and more adventure-ish, but much, much later.


End file.
